


The Only Dream You Seek

by SapphiraLua



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Azumane Asahi Needs a Hug, Established Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I know it says getting together and also established relationship but like there's both okay, Light Angst, Listen it'll be fine Noya is a sweetie, Love Confessions, Love Languages, M/M, Nishinoya Yuu is a good significant other, Pining, Romance, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27965282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphiraLua/pseuds/SapphiraLua
Summary: "And sometimes Asahi wants things to be softer. He wishes, sometimes, for Noya to slide into his lap and kiss him slowly. Not like it’s a race, not like the bursting supernova that he always is. It’s a little embarrassing to admit to himself, but he wants Noya to hold HIM.Asahi feels so GUILTY, because Noya is giving him so MUCH. How could he possibly ask for MORE? It makes it harder and harder to even consider. How terrible of a boyfriend is he that he can’t be satisfied with everything that Noya is giving him? How could he want something different? Something more? Especially when he’s still reeling over the idea that Noya wants to be with him at all?"In which Asahi really REALLY just wants his boyfriend to be gentle with him, and he gets it.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 18
Kudos: 171





	The Only Dream You Seek

Nishinoya’s confession had been entirely unexpected. 

It wasn’t as though Asahi hadn’t hoped for one.  
Asahi had spent enough time staring and longing and hoping that he could almost feel Noya in his arms. But he was sure, so absolutely certain that it was never going to happen. He’d seen Noya fawn and rant and rave over Kiyoko’s radiant beauty too many times to harbor any real hope. So it was just a guilty pleasure kind of daydream. One that he felt increasingly shameful about. It was consuming him, eating him alive, filling every waking moment of conscious thought, invading even his dreams. And there was no relief. He’d never dream of burdening Noya with his feelings, so there was no hope of getting an answer and moving on. 

Even so, he’d spent months restlessly daydreaming that maybe Noya would catch his sleeve after practice once everyone else had shuffled out of the locker room. He’d dreamed it down to specifics; the tinge of pink that would creep up to Noya’s ears, the determined set of his shoulders, the way his eyebrows would furrow and his nose would scrunch. He’d watch Noya’s hands shake, but his eyes would be warm and he’d look at Asahi with such open affection that it would curl his toes. Asahi never imagined a big speech. He wasn’t very good with words himself, so his daydream Noya never got there. 

Instead, his Noya would drop his shoulders and he’d smile and his fingers would curl in the collar of Asahi’s shirt and he would pull Asahi down to press their mouths together. And then Asahi would wrap Noya in his arms and feel the way his heart pounded against Asahi’s own. Things usually start to get fuzzy there, and the fluttering of Asahi’s stomach starts to crawl up his throat and choke him and he has to bury his face into his pillow and take deep breaths until he can calm down. 

Nishinoya’s actual confession went NOTHING like Asahi had imagined. 

They’d been studying together, something that Noya had insisted on doing at least twice a week for the past month and a half. Asahi wasn’t entirely sure why, seeing as Noya never got any studying done when they got together. He spent most of his time trying to distract Asahi from his homework. Noya would root through the things in Asahi’s room, or try to convince Asahi to let him braid his hair. (The idea of Noya’s hands in his hair had made Asahi nervous enough to nearly puke, so as much as he’d wanted to feel that, he’d gone with a hard no.)

Noya had been... off, on that specific day. He’d missed easy receives, run into the net, run into Hinata. And once they’d left practice, he’d been uncharacteristically subdued. He barely spoke two words on the way to Asahi’s house, and he didn’t even try to pester him away from his homework. It had made Asahi nervous, and he wondered if he’d done something to upset his best friend. He’d worked himself up, imagining that Noya was just trying to find a way to tell him that he didn’t want to be friends any more. He’d somehow realized Asahi’s feelings. He was quitting volleyball. The anxiety swirled and crept into the edges on his vision and settled like a hot coal in his stomach.

And then Noya looked up from the blank page of his notebook, and he’d caught Asahi’s eye. And he’d looked fierce and determined, hands curled harshly into fists. And he’d said, “Asahi. I like you. A lot. As more than a friend.”

Asahi’s brain had FRIED. He had just STARED. Watched Noya’s face get redder and redder. Watched him fidget, clenching and unclenching his fingers in the fabric of his sweatpants. Then Noya had started to look nervous, and he’d bit his lip. “Asahi?” 

That tore Asahi out of his stupor, and it felt like someone had spiked a ball into the back of his head. Noya LIKED him. Noya had just CONFESSED to him. Noya was sitting in front of him looking increasingly more and more distressed because Asahi had been staring at him for a full minute and STILL HADN’T ANSWERED HIM.

Then, to Asahi’s horror and embarrassment, tears had started to burn behind his eyes, and that only alarmed Noya even MORE. He’d reached out, and then stopped himself, perched on his knees, hands hovering over Asahi’s shoulders. 

“No, no no no I’m sorry! Please don’t cry it’s fine!” Noya flapped his hands anxiously, “It doesn’t have to mean anything! Nothing has to change! Forget I ever said anything!”

Panic had flared through Asahi’s chest at that. Noya was going to take back his confession because he didn’t have the sense to even respond to it. 

“No!” Asahi had practically shouted, and Noya had rocked back onto his heels, bewildered. “That’s not- Don’t- I mean-” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and shook his head, and then blurted, “I want it to mean something! I like you too!”

Noya dropped his hands into his lap, “Oh,” he murmured softly. “Oh,” his chest heaved, and then he was laughing, loud and delighted. He’d pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and shook his head, “You really had me scared there for a second!”

And when he pulled his hands away from his eyes, he’d been smiling wider than Asahi had ever seen. He’d looked so deliriously happy, and Asahi had realized that he’d done that. He’d made Noya look that happy. Noya was that happy because Asahi liked him too. And that was enough to make him tear up again. Then Noya was launching himself into Asahi’s lap and giggling that Asahi was “Such a big softie,” and that “Only you would cry because someone confessed to you.”

Their first kiss hadn’t gone much more smoothly. Asahi had been terrified to make a move, unsure if Noya even wanted that with him. Just because Noya liked him didn’t mean that he wanted to KISS him. Sure, Noya held his hand at every opportunity and sat on his lap and demanded that Asahi carry him whenever he could reasonably ask him to. Sure, their teammates made exaggerated gagging and kissing sounds at them when Noya threw himself at Asahi when he hit a particularly impressive spike. 

But kissing was a whole different level. Asahi thought about it. A lot. Noya was so close so often, and the need to pull him closer to press their mouths together was nearly unbearable at times. But he couldn’t push. He couldn’t overstep. Asahi didn’t know where the boundaries were, and he was afraid to ask and get turned down. 

Noya took that step, as he always did. He’d walked Asahi home after they’d grabbed dinner after practice, like a perfect gentleman and like the incredible boyfriend that he was. And once they’d gotten to Asahi’s doorstep, he’d bounced up on his tiptoes and just kissed him, like it was no big deal. 

Asahi was sure that Yuu Nishinoya was going to give him a heart attack. 

He’d cocked his head, and asked, “That okay?”

And Asahi had nodded dumbly at him, blood pulsing in his ears, vision narrowing down to the pleased grin that spread across Noya’s face. Then Noya had set both hands on Asahi’s shoulders and pulled him down to kiss him again, long and sweet. Before Asahi could even comprehend what was happening, Noya was bounding off his porch, waving and laughing and shouting that he’d see Asahi tomorrow at practice. 

Asahi had laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for two and a half hours, replaying that moment in his head on loop. 

Things went a little more smoothly from there. Noya seemed to get the hint that Asahi was incapable of making a move on him. So if Noya wanted something, he did it, or he asked for it. That was good for Asahi. It took a lot of the guesswork and anxiety out of their relationship for him. If Noya wanted to cuddle, he placed himself in Asahi’s lap. If Noya wanted to take Asahi on a date, he asked, “Do you want to go on a date this Saturday?” Noya seemed to understand Asahi’s nerves and apprehension, and he didn’t let them deter him in the slightest. He never pushed too hard or too far, asked permission for new things, he was perfect.

It’s great. Really, it’s great. Noya is kind, and attentive, and he makes Asahi laugh, and hugs him like he doesn’t want to let go. He’s excitable and up front about their relationship, and it’s a little embarrassing, but incomprehensibly sweet that he wants everyone to know that they’re together. He’s a whirlwind and a typhoon and he kisses Asahi until he sees stars. They spend hours with Noya curled up in his lap, pressed against his chest, chattering away about something or other. Noya is a grounding weight, and he keeps Asahi in the present. He makes sure Asahi’s not getting himself tangled in the knots of his own nerves and he makes him happy. 

But Asahi is gentle, and Noya just... isn’t. He’s loud and boisterous, and his hugs are tight, and his kisses are intense. It’s not BAD, it’s just how Noya loves. It’s how he shows affection. It’s so undeniably Noya. 

And sometimes Asahi wants things to be softer. He wishes, sometimes, for Noya to slide into his lap and kiss him slowly. Not like it’s a race, not like the bursting supernova that he always is. It’s a little embarrassing to admit to himself, but he wants Noya to hold HIM. To cradle him close and run fingers through his hair and scratch at his scalp. Or press soft kisses to his face and call him sweet names. 

What they do is fine. It’s great. It leaves him gasping and sets his heart pounding. But imagining Noya’s lips trailing over his jaw, nose nuzzling at the spot just under his ear, feeling him smile against his skin... It makes his cheeks burn and his stomach flutter and he ACHES for it. In the moments that he imagines it, his fingertips itch and he longs so desperately that he thinks there’s no way he’ll be able to stand it for another second.

And Asahi doesn’t know how to ask for what he wants. Even thinking about it, just telling Noya all of the horribly soft and sweet things that he imagines, makes him so embarrassed that he feels sick. And on top of that, he doesn’t know if Noya would even want to do those things. Asahi can’t picture him sitting still for long enough to do that, and it feels like he’d be asking a tornado to spin the other way. He’d never ask Noya to do something that he didn’t want to do. 

So Asahi tries to hint at it. Tries to touch Noya the same ways that he craves to be touched. He tries to press kisses to his forehead and play with his hair and kiss him so gently that it’s barely there. But Asahi is timid and Noya is decidedly NOT and Asahi can’t bear to stop him when he steers them somewhere more fiery and enthusiastic. 

Asahi doesn’t ask.

He doesn’t ask and he wants it more and more desperately every time he’s close to his boyfriend and it WEARS on him. He feels wound tight with longing. He wasn’t aware he could still pine while being in a relationship with the object of his affections. 

And the worst part is that Noya is so SWEET. Lately, he’s amped it up to about 1000% more than usual. He showers Asahi with little gifts and compliments and insists on paying for his lunches and taking him to dinner and for ice cream. He clings to Asahi nearly like a second skin. Asahi feels so GUILTY, because Noya is giving him so MUCH. How could he possibly ask for MORE? It makes it harder and harder to even consider. How terrible of a boyfriend is he that he can’t be satisfied with everything that Noya is giving him? How could he want something different? Something more? Especially when he’s still reeling over the idea that Noya wants to be with him at all?

It comes to a head while they’re sitting in Asahi’s room. There’s some dumb movie on the TV, and Asahi hasn’t watched a second of it. Noya is curled up against his chest, and Asahi is drawing nervous little patterns on his back. He’s hyper-aware of every shift, every breath, every sigh. He loves holding Noya, loves Noya more than he thought possible. He feels terrible, because he’s thinking that he could just shimmy down to bury his face in Noya’s neck. And maybe Noya would take the hint and wrap his arms around Asahi’s back, and maybe he’d scratch his nails up and down Asahi’s spine and all of this tension, all of this want that pools in his lungs and chokes him, would cool to a simmer and he would feel okay. 

He’s so wrapped up in his own thoughts, stewing so deeply in his own head, that it surprises him when Noya speaks. 

“What am I doing wrong?” he asks, quiet and subdued and not at ALL himself.

Asahi is a little dumbfounded, because he’s sure that he’s been doing a pretty good job at seeming like there’s not a constant itch under his skin.

But before he gets the chance to answer, Noya looks up, and there are honest to god TEARS in his eyes, and that’s enough to make all of the breath leave Asahi’s lungs in a rush.

“Am I too loud? Too much? Am I not doing enough?” The questions pour out, rapid fire, and each one horrifies Asahi more, “Am I not taking you on enough dates? Complimenting you enough? Do you-“ 

Noya pauses, swallows hard, pushes his hands back through his already wild hair, “Do you regret this? Do you not want this any more but you don’t know how to tell me? I don’t want you to be unhappy because you’re trying to spare my feelings.” 

Noya scrubs at his eyes roughly with his arm, shaking his head viciously, “I’ve been trying, everything I can think of, everything I’ve read about. You look so unhappy, Asahi.”

Asahi can only gape at him. Noya thinks he doesn’t want to be with him any more. Not that he’s so desperately longing for Noya to hold him that he can barely form a rational thought. How did they get here? 

It’s only when Noya sighs, seemingly taking Asahi’s silence as a confirmation of all his questions, that Asahi has the presence of mind to blurt out, “No! No that’s not it at all!”

Noya stops trying to climb out of his lap, looking so relieved that he could pass out. He brings a hand up to cup Asahi’s cheek, and it’s so soft, so close to what Asahi wants, that he can’t help but lean into even that crumb of tenderness. “Then what is it, Asahi?” Noya asks, soft and sincere, eyes still shining, “Tell me, please. What can I do to make you happy?”

He’s so close, so earnest, so warm, and being held in Noya’s hand gives him just enough courage to admit, “I don’t know how to ask for what I want.” He mumbles it into the skin of Noya’s palm, and Noya draws closer. 

“I would do anything, Asahi. Anything for you.” Noya whispers, soft and serious. Asahi can hear that he means it, feels it in the way that his voice shakes. Sees it in the furrow of his eyebrows and the steel of his dark eyes.

“I want you to be gentle with me,” Asahi admits, and the flush that heats his cheeks is nearly painful in its intensity. He can’t look Noya in the eye, but Noya ducks his head to look at him anyway.

“Like you are with me?” Noya asks, and he’s smiling, something between delighted and determined, and that makes Asahi’s heart skip a beat. 

Asahi can’t manage anything other than a jerky nod, because Noya’s fingers are sliding into his hair, nails raking over his scalp. He leans in to press his lips to Asahi’s temple. It steals Asahi’s breath, makes his hands shake and his knees weak.

“Like that?” Noya purrs against his skin, and Asahi’s eyes flutter shut. It sounds fuzzy, and far away, and Asahi’s mind is blank when he presses into Noya’s hand. 

“You know, I would have done this a long time ago just to see you melt like this,” Noya murmurs.

Asahi is warm down to his toes, and he lets his eyes open again to see that Noya’s own cheeks are pink, but he’s smiling, and his eyes are bright and brimming with affection, and it’s all that Asahi can do to blink back the tears that sting at the backs of his eyes. 

Noya shifts, laying down on his back, and pats his chest with his free hand, “C’mere.”

Asahi thinks, then, that he would do anything that Noya asked of him if it meant that Noya would keep his hands in his hair. 

He tucks his head against Noya’s shoulder, forehead against his neck, nose pressed to the underside of his jaw.

Noya coos at him, and Asahi can’t even feel embarrassed, because he feels absolutely boneless. Noya’s fingers slide down his spine, feather light, and it tingles down to his fingertips. He clenches his hands in Noya’s shirt, and he can feel the way that Noya’s heart pounds faster under his ear.

They lay like that for a while, Noya’s nose pressed into his hair, fingers tracing up and down the ridges of his spine. When he finally stops, Asahi doesn’t have the time to lament it, because Noya is tilting his chin up to look at him. He sees the soft gleam of his dark eyes, the dusting of pink across his cheeks, and then Noya is kissing him.

It’s slow, just the barest press of Noya’s mouth to his, and it breaks goosebumps out along Asahi’s whole body. Asahi melts, lets Noya kiss him, shivers at the way that Noya’s fingers curl behind his ear. His thumb slides across Asahi’s cheek, and Asahi thinks that he might actually pass out. 

Noya turns, then, so that he’s half on top of Asahi, and Asahi is cradled in the crook of his arm, held tight. Noya draws back to look at him, and it hits him then. Really hits him. He is so desperately in love with this boy. He feels safe and cared for. Noya’s smile positively overflows with quiet contentment, and no small amount of satisfaction. 

Noya leans down, presses a kiss to the shell of Asahi’s ear. “This what you wanted?” 

Asahi clutches at him helplessly, breath stuttering out unevenly. He nods against Noya’s shoulder, not trusting that the lump in his throat will let him speak. 

“Let me hold you until you fall asleep,” Noya insists, trailing his lips over Asahi’s cheek. 

“You don’t mind?” Asahi asks, “You’re not going to be bored?” 

Noya shakes his head, “If I’d known this was what you wanted, I would have been doing it from the beginning,” he murmurs. “Plus, how could I get bored of watching you melt like that?”

Asahi pulls his boyfriend impossibly closer, holds him tightly, trying desperately to convey how much this means to him. “Thank you,” he whispers, so quietly that it’s nearly lost.

Noya bumps their foreheads together, “You don’t have to thank me,” he assures. “Just tell me that you want next time, dork” then as an afterthought, “I shoulda known you’d be that much of a softie. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner.”

Asahi shakes his head, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. And I’m sorry you thought I wanted to break up with you.” 

“That wasn’t fun... I didn’t know how to fix it, and I really did try everything, even the stupid things the magazines said.” Noya mumbles.

“You read articles for me? That’s so sweet,” Asahi teases, mouth quirking up.

“I meant it when I said I’d do anything for you,” Noya says, suddenly quiet and serious.

“I- um- I would too,” Asahi stutters back, nearly overwhelmed by the intensity of Noya’s honesty.

“Good,” Noya nods, and then rolls back over, pulling Asahi to his chest again, “Now get over here, and go to sleep,” he demands, “You’ve looked terrible lately. Everyone’s noticed.”

Asahi stutters through a handful of equally embarrassed noises, “Th- Wh- They have?!”

“Well yeah, they’re your friends, dummy,” Noya snorts, “Suga threatened to shave my head if I was making you unhappy. Daichi agreed to hold me down.”

Asahi laughs, then, feeling lighter than he has in weeks. Noya huffs out a laugh above him, stroking his fingers down Asahi’s back. Asahi relaxes, settling down against Noya’s chest. Noya presses a kiss to his forehead.

Asahi is happy. 

He’s so incredibly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Haikyuu is ruining my life  
> I love all of these idiot boys, especially these two HUGE idiot boys
> 
> This is so self-indulgent I want to puke  
> I don't usually write established relationship fics, but when I do, there's still an incredible amount of pining and also I cannot stop myself from writing them getting together first
> 
> Scream at me in the comments about it why dontcha


End file.
